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Competition Results

QUESTION:
TELL ME THE FUNNIEST JOKE YOU CAN THINK OF WHICH YOU THINK WILL MAKE ME LAUGH THE MOST.



The winning entry for this competition is:

***
 
A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few pointers before starting.

"You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear."

At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes silence, they follow suit.

The professor then continued ...
"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation; I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index."

***

*Please can the winner contact me - the emails I am sending keep bouncing back to me!*

Love Cindy, (December 2005)        

   

This Competition

Autumn "Mmm" 2005
BEST JOKE

 
The PRIZE

 

Oooooo and what is this?
This is actually a product from my own
SexToys shop, which I thought would be nice to give out to the winner FREE OF CHARGE!!!

It is brand new, still in the box and ready to be used and abused by the one that makes me laugh the hardest! :-)

It is called a "Quickie to Go" and it has the shape & feel of a mouth; just lube it up, slip it on and away you go!

 
Congratulations

Well done to the winner of this competition!


 

 

C I N D Y ' S    I N P U T

Entry Date
Snigger, snigger A woman wanted to suprise her husband so she bought a pair of crotchless panties. When her husband got home from work, he found his wife spread eagle on the floor with the panties on. "You want some of this?" she asked. The husband replied "Hell no! Look what it did to your underwear!" 26.11D
haha hehe haha hehee Superman was bored because Batman and Spiderman were on vacation and there was nothing much to do. Flying around New York one day, he spotted Wonder Woman lying on her back with her legs apart on the roof of a tall building. He had always lusted after Wonder Woman so he thought he would swoop down and have his wicked way with her. "What was that?" said Wonder Woman afterwards. The Invisible Man climbed off her and said: "I dunno, but it hurt." 26.11D
Totally Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! There was an opening with the SAS for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sorting through numerous applicants, they narrowed it down to 2 men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test of who would be successful. The SAS men administering the test took one of the applicants to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the SAS man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job." "No," the SAS man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the SAS men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the Woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said,
"You, bastards!!! The gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair!"
25.11L
hmmm A man is with a hooker when she takes off her pants, spreads her legs, and the man prepares to eat her out. Just as he's about to start, he looks inside her and he sees little pieces of carrots and potatoes and corn. He says, "My god lady, you are sick!" To which she replies, "No, but I think the guy before might have been." 25.11S
haha hehe haha hehee A man goes to a $5 prostitute, and the next day he discovers he has crabs. So he goes back to complain, and the prostitute says, "It was $5. What did you expect, lobster?" 25.11S
Snigger, snigger sister goes into brothers bedroom, "can i play with your action man?" brother says no, later that night brother is asleep, sister goes into his room, gets under the covers... Brother wakes up in hospital, " what happend?" sister says" i was playing with your action man last night, then he spat at me and i chopped his head off", "what do you mean?" said her brother Doc says" lets put it this way mate, you have hade a free circumsition!!!" 24.11J
hmmm there is a new barbie at a local supermarket. it is called,"divorce barbie". oh yeah, It comes with all ken's STUFF! 23.11K
Totally Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! A really short guy walks into a nunery and says to the chief nun, "Have you got any nuns in the nunery as short as me??" and the nun replied, "Euh, no......". So he said, "Have you got any nuns in the whole world as short as me??" and the nun said, "Euh, no......". His mate then said to him, "Sorry mate. I told you you did it with a penguin". 23.11K
Snigger, snigger John accidentally got itching on his inner part of the thigh, he went to chemist for medicine. Chemist suggested him VIAGRA and ITCHGUARD CREAM. John asked to chemist, "ITCHGUARD is Ok but why Viagra ?" Chemist said "Coz when u sleep it will keep the blanket up". 23.11K
Mother: Come on victor you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school.
John: Ahh mum do I have to, all the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me too.
Mother: Yes you do.
John: Give me a good reason
Mother: You're 34 and your the Principal!
23.11K
haha hehe haha hehee Vicki Lynn, the nice Catholic Girl. She was not the best student in school, usually because she slept through classes. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. "Tell me Vickie, who created the universe? "When she didn't stir, Johnny sitting beside her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" she shouted. The Nun said, "Very Good"! A little later the teacher asked "Who is our Lord and Saviour?" Vickie didn't stir again. So Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt. "Jesus Christ!" Vickie shouted! Again, "Very Good"! Now, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child Vickie?" Again, Johnny came to her rescue. This time Vickie jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me once more, I swear I'll break it in half!" The Nun fainted! :-) 22.11P
BWAAA HA HA HAAA Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," said his Mom, "of course not." Little Johnny then ran back outside and his Mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!" 22.11K
Snigger, snigger 3 girls on desert island after a plane crash are waiting to be rescued. African, French and American. French girl collects all the clothes and says, "They will rescue the best dressed 1st!" American girl collects all the jewellery and says, "They will rescue the richest 1st!" African girl takes off all her clothes and says, "They always look for the Black Box 1st!!!" 22.11S
Totally Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that he's being watched by a midget. Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the guy doesn't get uncomfortable until the midget drags a small stepladder up next to him, climbs it, and proceeds to admire his privates at close range. "Wow," comments the midget, "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!" Surprised-and flattered-the man thanks the midget and starts to move away. "Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them." Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request. The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says loudly, "Okay, hand over your wallet or I'll jump!" 22.11K
haha hehe haha hehee Little Johnny is sitting, being his cool self in the local park. Along comes Suzi chomping on her piece of gum. "Hey Johnny, wanna play doctor?" Johnny lets out a puff of smoke, "Nah, that's too old fashioned." Johnny takes another drag, "Spit out your gum, I wanna play President." 22.11K
Snigger, snigger Look up in your local phonebook for someone with the surname 'Whitehead'. Phone them.
You: Is that Mr Blackhead?
Them: No - this is Mr Whitehead.
You: Sorry. Wrong zit.
21.11K
Totally Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! Two idiots were driving a semi down a road when they came to a viaduct. The sign said 10 feet zero inches, so they got out to measure their truck. Unfortunately, the truck was just over 12 feet high. They didn't know what to do, when finally one of them looked both directions and said, "I don't see any cops, let's go for it.!" 21.11K
haha hehe haha hehee An old country gentleman and his wife were out driving one day, when a police officer pulled him over. "What seems to be the trouble young man?" asked the old gentleman. As the officer said, "Excuse me sir, but didn't you notice your wife fell out of the car back there?". To which the old gentleman exclaimed, "Thank you son, I just thought I went deaf!!!". 21.11K
haha hehe haha hehee A lady who was known as Churchill's main rival in parliament was giving a speech. Churchill, with his usual enthusiasm for his rival, dozed off while the lady was speaking. She stopped her speech and awoke Sir Winston by yelling, "Mr. Churchill, must you sleep while I talk?" Churchill sleepily replied, "No, ma'am. I do so purely by choice." 21.11K
hmmm Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. 20.11H
Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him 20.11H
haha hehe haha hehee How to impress a woman: Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hold her. Surprise her. Compliment her. Smile at her. Listen to her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Romance her. Encourage her. Believe in her. Pray with her. Cuddle with her. Shop with her. Give her jewellery. Buy her flowers. Hold her hand. Write love letters to her. Go to the ends of the earth and back for her. How to impress a man: Show up naked. Bring chicken wings and beer. Don't block the TV 19.11H
BWAAA HA HA HAAA A doctor doing a routing physical on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient placed a stethoscope on her anterior chest wall. "Big Breaths", he instructed. "Yes, they used to be," the elderly patient replied 19.11H
Snigger, snigger A new M.D. was doing his residency in OB was embarrassed doing female pelvic exams, so to cover his embarrassment he unconsciously formed a habit of whistling to himself. A middle aged lady who he was performing an examination on suddenly burst out laughing. Embarrassed the young M.D. looked up from his work and sheepishly said,"I'm sorry, was I tickling you?" The woman replied, "No, doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Wiener' 19.11H
hmmm Why a man is smarter when he's making love? Because then he is plugged in to the "I know everything better" machine! 19.11C
Not Nice! why do women have 2% more brains than a cow???
So they don't shit when you pull their tit's
19.11L
haha hehe haha hehee One day, imma gonna New York City to bigga hotel. Inna morning, I go to eat breakfast. I tella the waitress, I wanna two pissa toast. She bringa me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say no understand, I wanna two piss onna plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I donna even know the lady and she call me a sonna ma bitch.
Later I go eat at bigga restaurant. The waitress bring me a spoon and a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock, she tella me everyone wanna fock. I tella her you dont understand, i wanna fock on the table. She say you better no fock onna table you sonna ma bitch.
So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shite onna my bed. I call the manager and tella him I wanna shite onna my bed. He say you better no shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.
I go check out and the man at the desk say "peasce on you". I say piss onna you too you sonna ma bitch.
I gonna back to Italy.
18.11W
Totally Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! A 15 yr.old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell & scream ,"Where in the hell did you get that car"???!!!He calmly told them that he" bought it"!His mother said:"boy,we know what those cars cost now! Please tell us with what $ you used and who sold that to you"!The boy said:"I got it from this lady down the road for $15. The boy's father walked to the home where this lady lived and introduced himself as the boys father & demanded to know why she sold the car for only $15. Well,"this morning I got this phone call from my husband, I thought he was on a business trip,but learned from a friend he ran off with his secretary&doesn't intend to come back. He was stranded and asked me to sell his Porsche and send him the money.So I did!:-) 18.11P
OH YES! ... BRING IT ON! Two Italians, Luigi and Antonio, met on the street. "Hey, Antonio," said Luigi. "Where you been for the past two weeks? No one seen you around." "Donna talka to me, Luigi," replied Antonio. "I been inna da jail." "Jail!" exclaimed Luigi. "What for you been in jail?" "Wella, Luigi," Antonio said, "I was lying onna da beach, and the cops come, arresta me and throw me inna jail." "But dey donna throw you in jail just for lying onna da beach!" Luigi countered.
"Yeah, but dissa beach was ascreamin' and akickin' and ayellin'."
18.11W
OH YES! ... BRING IT ON! A bus stopped and two Italian men got on. They sat down together and engaged in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignored them at first, but her attention was galvanized when she heard one of the men become graphic.
"Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."
"You foul-mouthed swine," said the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma justa tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi.
18.11W
haha hehe haha hehee At the exact same time two young men on opposite sides of the earth: One is walking a tightrope, the other is getting oral sex from a 85 year old woman. What are they both thinking?
"Just don't look down"
18.11H
Har Har Har ...  NOT! An elderly gentleman went to the pharmacist for some Viagra. The pharmacist ask: How many would you like. The man replied: six, I can cut them into small pieces. The pharmacist said: that isn't enough to get you through sex. The man replied: I don't want them for sex..I just don't want to pee on my shoes anymore! 18.11H
Whats the fastest type of milk? PAST-UR-EYES!!!! 18.11M
OH YES! ... BRING IT ON! Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of his life, which gave him calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him very frail from his diet, which also gave him bad breath. All of this made him a....super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 18.11H
hmmm A girl came home and asked her mother, Is it true that babies come out from the same places that men put their penises? "Why, yes, they do" her mother replied, to which the young girl replied "then won't my baby knock out all of my teeth?" 18.11H
hmmm A man had too much to drink and was in no shape to drive, so he decided to walk home. On the way he was stopped by a cop who asked him where he was going. "To a lecture" the man replied. "Who is giving a lecture at 2am in the morning?" The man replied, "my wife". 18.11H
OH YES! ... BRING IT ON! A college class was told to write a story containing: (1)Religion, (2)Sexuality and (3)Mystery.
From the entire class only one paper got an A+ It read: "Good God, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it"
18.11H
haha hehe haha hehee two nuns on a beach a streaker runs by ... one had a stroke the other couldn't reach! 17.11P
BWAAA HA HA HAAA A man walking home late at night sees a woman in the shadows. "Twenty dollars, she whispers". He'd never been with a hooker before,but decides,what the heck, its only $20 dollars. So they hide in the bushes... when all of a sudden a light flashes on them from a police officer. "What's going on here,people? asks the officer. "Nothing, I'm just making love to my wife", the man answers indignantly. "Oh,I'm sorry," says the cop."I didn't know"! "Well," says the man,"Neither did I, until you shined that light in her face"! 16.11PH
Man walks into the doctors surgery and flops his dick out on the doctors desk. He says to the doctor "I'd like you to examine my penis please doctor". The doctor replies "Why? What's wrong with it?". The man replies "Nothing! It's a f*****g beauty isn't it!!" 15.11R
hmmm Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
14.11K
haha hehe haha hehee A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" 14.11K
BWAAA HA HA HAAA Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
14.11K
Little Johnny walked into his classroom one sunny morning, wearing only one glove. The teacher, a little confused, asked him what it was all about. Little Johnny explained, "Well ma'am, I was watching the weather programme on the T.V. this morning and the Weatherman said that it was going to be sunny today, but on the other hand it could get quite cold." 14.11K
Snigger, snigger did you hear about the woman with five legs ? her panties fitted like a glove 13.11A
BWAAA HA HA HAAA 2 nuns on a tandem are riding down an old Victorian street, the second nun says "ooh i never come this way before", the first nun says "I know, i think its the cobbles" 12.11J
Not Nice! Q. How do you make a cat drink.
A. Use a liquidizer
11.11E
BWAAA HA HA HAAA A frail elderly lady totters into a sex shop. The bloke behind the counter, amazed to see such a customer, says "May I help you ma'am?" In her quivering voice the trembling old lady says, "Young man, do you sell dildos here?" "Why yes ma'am, we do," he replies. She holds out her quivering hands, "And are they... this long?" "Yes ma'am, we do have one that long". Her voice shakes even more, "And does it have a vib-er-atoooor?" "Yes Ma'am, it does," he replies. "Well," says the trembling old lady, "How do you turn it off?" 11.11L
Har Har Har ...  NOT! if you have two nuts oan a wall you have wall nuts two nuts on your chest that makes chest nuts what have you got if you have two nuts on your chin? a mouth full of cock 10.11K
hmmm every one in a pub is talking about cars when a gay guy says i bet you if you put your car key up my arse i can tell you what car you drive so the first bloke pushes a key up and the gay say oh ford capri the guy say your right this goes on and on till one bloke pulls out an old spark plug and pushes it in his arse the gay said ohhh thats champion 10.11K
haha hehe haha hehee two nuns driving through Transylvania Dracula flashes his cock to them one says to the other quick show him your cross, the other shouts out "fuck off you buck toothed pervert" 10.11K
OH YES! ... BRING IT ON! what do you call a policewomen with a shaved pussy?  .... c#ntstubble 9.11J
Why do dwarfs laugh while they play the soccer?... Because the grass tickles their balls! 7.11KT
Snigger, snigger Two women and a man are in the back of a bus. The first woman whispers, "The man next to me is masturbating!" Her friend says, "Just ignore him." To which she replies, "I can't! He's using my hand!" 7.11KT
BWAAA HA HA HAAA Men are like fine wine: They all start out as grapes, and it is your job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd want to have with dinner. 7.11KT
haha hehe haha hehee Girl goes to the Doctors. "You need to help me, Doctor!" as she slips off her panties. The doctor gasps as he notices she has three pussies. He reaches into his desk drawer and pulls out a roll of tape and begins taping up one, then the second. "Will this help?" she asks. "No" says the doctor "But it will stop you getting fucked left right and centre..." 7.11M
BWAAA HA HA HAAA What did one snowman say to the other snowman? "That's funny, I can smell carrots too!" 7.11M
What do you call kids born in a whorehouse? Brothel Sprouts! 7.11M
Don't wake me up for that one! What's brown and sticky? A stick. 6.11A
Totally Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! Two nude statues (one male and one female) had been standing in the middle of a beautiful park for 99 years. On their 100th anniversary in the park an angel came down from heaven to talk to the statues. He said to them, "God has been watching you for the past 100 years and has been very pleased with the two of you. So pleased in fact that he has decided to grant you a wish of becoming human for a short time." The angel then went on to say that they would be human for fifteen minutes and will finally be able to pleasure themselves in a manner in which they have only fantasized about for the last 100 years. The statues were so excited they could hardly believe it. The second they became human they ran off together behind the bushes. The angel heard the rustling of the bushes and shouts of joy and laughter. After 10 minutes the statues returned from behind the bushes sweating and laughing. The angel told the statues that they still had 5 more minutes. The male statue quickly turned to the female statue and said, "Cool, this time you hold down the pigeon and I'll crap on its head." 6.11Z
OH YES! ... BRING IT ON! A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few pointers before starting. "You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear." At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes silence, they follow suit.
The professor then continued ..."The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation; I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index."
6.11Z
Fuckin Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of marriage, his wife finally said, if you fart any more, you'll fart your guts out. Being a butcher, the wife decided to put pig scraps in his pants so he would wake up, and not do it anymore. She put the scraps in his pants that night. He woke up in the morning and went across the hall to the bathroom. Two long hours later, he came out and stated, honey, you were right about me farting my guts out, BUT WITH THE GRACE OF THE DEAR LORD AND THESE TWO FINGERS. I GOT THEM BACK IN THERE. 6.11Z
OH YES! ... BRING IT ON! An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City Building, when a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.
She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!" Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Chanel No. 5, $200 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over, farts and says... "Broccoli. 49 cents a pound!"
6.11Z
Not Nice! A man walks into a bar and notices a gorilla sitting at the end of the bar. The man sits down, orders his drink, and asks the bartender "What's the deal with the gorilla?" The bartender says, "Here, I'll show you" and he pulls a baseball bat from behind the bar and smacks the gorilla on the head with it. The gorilla immediately gets on its knees and gives the bartender a blowjob. The man is astonished and says, "Wow! That is amazing!" The bartender says, "Yeah, you want to try it?" And the man replies, "Okay, but don't hit me so hard." 6.11C
Fuckin Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! A man walks into a restaurant and sits down. He sees a sign behind the counter that says "Cheese Sandwiches $3. Handjobs $5." The waitress comes up to him and asks, "Can I help you?" The man says "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?" The waitress replies, "Yes I am." The man then says, "Well then wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich." 6.11C
Fuckin Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! There was a millionaire who kept alligators in a pool. He also had a beautiful daughter who was single. 1 day he had a huge party and he announced: "My dear guests, I have a proposition to make. I will give a million dollars or my daughter to the man that swims across the pool full of alligators unharmed!" The millionaire was impressed to see a young man swimming in the pool. He said "My boy, that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my word, which do you want, my daughter or the money? The guy replied, sir, I don't want your money and I don't want your daughter either! I want the damn asshole who pushed me in the water! 5.11PRH
haha hehe haha hehee "Hurricane Chicken Recipe"
6-7lb.baking chicken 1 cup melted butter 1 cup stuffing mix 1 cup uncooked popcorn mix
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter (salt/pepper to taste). Fill cavity with stuffing & popcorn. Place in baking pan with neck end towards back of oven. Listen for popping sounds. When the chicken's ass blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, its done.
27.10PH
Fuckin Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! A man and wife are playing golf and both lose their balls in a field of cows. After some searching neither can find their ball until the husband sees a cow in some discomfort. He lifts the cows tail and there lodged in the cow is his wifes golf ball with her initials on it so he shouts to his wife "hey come over hear, this one looks like yours" 26.10N
BWAAA HA HA HAAA As this woman golfer took a back swing she heard a thud, on turning around she saw this guy with his hands between his thighs bent over double in pain. She said how sorry she was about hitting him and that she could make him feel better as she was a physiotherapist. Just take down your pants and soon I'll ease the pain for you. Cutting a long story short, he lowered his pants. She massaged the whole area. After a few minutes she said he could put his pants back on. "I bet you feel a hell of a lot better now honey" she said as this guy was shaking his hand, "I sure do miss, but my damn hand still hurts like hell"! 24.10P
haha hehe haha hehee Why do gay men use ribbed condoms? More traction in the mud 23.10SR
Fuckin Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! a lad comes home after college and tells his dad "guess what dad, i just had sex for the first time!" The proud dad looks at his son and says "thats great! did you like it??" the lad looks at his father and replies "i did dad! it was wonderful!" "I am so proud of you son! are you going to do it again? To which the lad replies, "i sure am dad, as soon as my ass quits hurting" 23.10SR
BWAAA HA HA HAAA Q:What's the difference between purple and pink? A:The grip 23.10C
ewwwww - thats disgusting! What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing, they're both stuck up c*nts 22.10I
OH YES! ... BRING IT ON! Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.

Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money. "I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news."

"No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
21.10J
Fuckin Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! Guy and his wife sitting at the bar, a man walks in and says to the guys wife; "I'd love to turn you upside down and drink guiness from your pussy" wife looks shocked and gasps, turns to her husband and says "are you going to let him get away with that?!" husband says "I aint messin with someone who can drink that much guiness!" 21.10P
haha hehe haha hehee A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his girlfriend when he's pulled over by the Police. The police officer approaches him and asks: "Have you been drinking Sir?" Why?" asks the man, "Was I driving badly?" "No" replies the Officer, "You were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat bird in the passenger seat that made me suspicious" 21.10P
What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common? They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!! 19.10K
Har Har Har ...  NOT! Two woman were talking about the new hunk in the neighborhood. "But he acts so stupid," said one to the other. "I think he must have his brains between his legs." "Yeah," her friend sighed, "but I'd sure love to blow his mind." 19.10K
Me No Laughy Question: what do women and tax forms have in common ? Answer: men love to cheat on them ! 17.10A
Fuckin Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! A man says to his wife 'honey you've got 3 choices, we either go fishing, have anal sex or you give me a blowjob' so his wife gets on her knees and starts sucking him off. Eww disgusting she says, your cock tastes like shit. Her husband replies 'Well the dog didn't want to go fishing either'. 17.10J
Fuckin Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and Action Man." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken." "No," said the little girl. "She comes with Action Man, she fakes it with Ken." 17.10P
BWAAA HA HA HAAA The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed, when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache". "Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my dick with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!!!" 17.10P
haha hehe haha hehee Two friends meet each other on the street. "hello! Where are you coming from?" asked Bill. "Oh, don't ask me! I'm coming from the cemetery. I just buried my mother-in-law" replied Sid. "I'm so sorry!" said Bill, "But why is your face scratched all over?". "It wasn't so easy!" said Sid, "She put on a hell of a fight!" 17.10KT
Fuckin Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! What is the difference between a Whore, a Nympho, and a Blonde? The whore says, "Aren't you done yet?" , The nympho says, "Are you done ALREADY?" And the blonde says, "Beige. I think I'll paint the ceiling beige..." 17.10KT
Har Har Har ...  NOT! WOMAN --> The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind! 17.10KT
hmmm What is the definition of "making love"? Something a woman does while the bloke is shagging her! 17.10D
OH YES! ... BRING IT ON! I joined a dating agency and went out on a load of dates that didn't work out. I went back to the woman who ran the agency and said "Have you not got somebody on your books who doesn't care about looks or money and has a nice big pair of boobs?" She checked on her computer and said "Actually, yes, we do have one. But unfortunately, it's you!" 17.10D
hmmm What noise annoys an oyster? A noisy noise annoys an oyster 16.10D
Don't wake me up for that one! What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick. 16.10D
Snigger, snigger i was checking Zorros website the other day and its http forward slash backwards slash forwards slash backwards slash Zorro !! 14.10A
Fuckin Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! picture this a line of guys at a army medical well one guy with a very large cock and the doc picks it up with his pencil to exam his and says bet that's seem some action , some says the guy but it's the first time on a perch ! 14.10A
Snigger, snigger What has 128 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk....... My Zipper.. 12.10JG
Fuckin Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! guy enters a lift and is beside a beautiful young girl, he says; can i smell your pussy she says; indeed you can not he says ; oh well, it must be your feet then....... 12.10JG
Fuckin Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! A woman visiting her doctor’s office suddenly blurts out, “Doctor, kiss me!” The doctor looks at her and says that it would be against his code of ethics to kiss her. About 20 minutes later the woman shouts again, “Doctor, please, kiss me just once!” Again he refuses apologetically but says that as a doctor he simply cannot kiss her. Finally another 15 minutes pass, and the exasperated woman pleads with the doctor, “Doctor, doctor, please kiss me just once!” “Look,” says the doctor. “I am sorry. I just can’t kiss you. In fact, I probably shouldn’t even be fucking you.” 12.10M
hmmm ....so the guy comes home from the pub and hands his wife a frog and says "it's a cock-sucking frog !", "WTF do you want ME to do with it ?", she said, he replies, "teach it to cook then FUCK OFF !" 11.10DW
Me No Laughy why did the hedgehog cross the road , to see his flat mate 11.10A
BWAAA HA HA HAAA A Husband comes home with a half gallon of Ice Cream. He asked his wife if she wants some. "How hard is it?" she asked. "About as hard as my dick," he replies. To which the woman replied, "OK, then pour me some!" 11.10HG
OH YES! ... BRING IT ON! A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this she can't stand it any longer! The woman goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why. The supervisor is puzzled by this and says what's wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice? The woman replies, "He's a midget!" 11.10K
Fuckin Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! A man and a woman are driving down the same road at the same time. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window, points and yells, “PIG! ” The man immediately leans out his window, shakes his fist and shouts back, “WITCH!".
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he slams into a pig that had wandered into the middle of the road. If only men would listen...
10.10K
hmmm A midget with a speech impediment goes to buy a horse.When he arrives at the farm,the owner asks if he'd like a male or female horse."A female horth," the midget says,so the owner shows the little man his most prized female horse."Nithe horth," the midget says."Can I thee her mouth?" The owner picks up so that he's eye-level with the horse's mouth."Nithe," the midget says. "Can I thee her eyesth?" The owner picks him up and shows him the eyes."Nithe," the midget says."Now I'd like to thee her twat." Enraged, the owner shoves the midget's head up the horse's twat, then pulls him out. Shaking his head, the midget says,"Perhapth I should rephrase-I'd like to thee her run" 9.10R
Fuckin Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! A man is sitting on a public toilet when the guy in the stall next to him says, "Hi, how are you?" "Um, fine, "answers the man." What are you up to?" asks the other guy. "I'm travelling," the first guy says hesitantly. "Mind if I stop over?" "What? Why the hell would you do that?" "Hey, I'll call you back," says the other guy. "The dipshit in the next stall keeps talkin' to me." 9.10R
Snigger, snigger guy goes to the doc and whats to have a sperm sample tested,so the doc gives him a jar. week on guy returns with empty jar. well i tryed with both hands , wife both , wifes friend none of us can open the jar 8.10A
Fuckin Hilarious Man! I LOVE IT DUDE! A lady walks into a car dealership. Suddenly she spots the perfect car. As she bends over, a little burst escapes her. She turns around and sees a salesman. "Good day, Madame, How can I help you?" The lady asks the salesman what is the price of the car. The dealer said, "Madame, I'm sorry to say if you just farted by touching it, you're gonna shit when I tell you the price!" 8.10PH
Snigger, snigger man and women in bed debating who is going to make the morning coffee she says it's the man's job , why he says . cos the bible says so! where? look it says here HEBREWS 7.10A
Not Nice! one guy to another, getting my wife plastic surgery for christmas , ya cutting up her credit cards 7.10A
hmmm girl doing widths of the swimming baths and one guys says to the other she is good at that , ya she used to a hooker in venice and worked both sides of the road 7.10A
Don't wake me up for that one! guy goes to the doc's and says doc you got to help me see i have this steering wheel down my pants and it's driving me NUTS 7.10A
ewwwww - that stinks! Why don't guys like to perform oral sex on a woman the morning after sex? Answer.....: Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich? 7.10K
Me No Laughy There were these three guys outside of a bar. There was a black guy, a white guy, and a Chinese guy. They all had been in the bar before and saw this gorgeous women. Well they made a bet to see who could make the woman scream.

The black guy goes in a comes out and the women is laughing, and then the white guys goes in, well after he comes out she is laughing even harder.

The Chinese guy goes in and a after a few minutes she is screaming bloody murder. Then he comes out, and the other two guys said how did you do that, and the Chinese guy goes "Me Chinese, me play trick, me put hot sauce on my dick!"
7.10K
BWAAA HA HA HAAA What do a gynaecologist and a pizza boy have in common? answer.....: They can smell it but they cant eat it! 7.10K
hmmm Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering! 7.10HD


 

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